Archive | December, 2009

Guy Whines About Getting Clothes for Christmas

27 Dec

“Can I play a pair of pants on a PlayStation 2? No.”

Oh no lol


Bombs Away

22 Dec

I want Redskins Park to look like Hiroshima. Drop a fucking atom bomb on their ass. Right now.

What I hope happens to the Redskins

Blow it up. Blow the team up and start over. Seriously. The Monday night game against the New York Giants was something that just made you want to waterboard yourself. It was that bad. There were no positives for the Redskins coming out of that game. Not one thing. And while this isn’t the worst game that the Redskins have ever played, it definitely ranks as one of the top 10. It’s no secret that the Redskins are doing terribly this season, but they had seemed to be improving. In the past 5 games, their offense was moving up and down the field more effectively and scoring on opponents. It was the Skins greatest weakness and it seemed that they were moving in the right direction. Hell, we almost beat the Saints for goodness sake. But all of that was quickly forgotten when the Giants showed up at FedEx Field last night.

The play calling was some of the worst that I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The worst being the fake field goal at the end of the first half. Down 24-0 with a 4th down on the Giants 20 yard line, the Skins decide to go for a fake field goal. Definitely not a horrible idea. I mean, it worked against the Broncos and it’s always nice to surprise the defense with something they don’t expect. However, the Giants called a timeout as soon as they saw the fake field goal formation. So what do the Redskins do? They don’t change the play at all and try to go for the fake field goal anyway. Now, I might be wrong here, but isn’t the point of a fake field goal to catch your opponent off guard? Therefore, if they’ve seen you about to attempt it, why would you attempt it again? I mean, were they thinking that maybe the Giants would forget what they just saw?! Maybe one of the Redskins linemen told the entire Giants team that all of their shoes were untied in an attempt to distract them from the super awesome fake field goal. Whatever, it’s not even worth my energy to try to rationalize this.

The players continue to disappoint. I don’t know if they just don’t have the skills or if the playcalling and coaching is hindering them or if they just have the worst luck in the world, but the players aren’t making plays. Jason Campbell couldn’t make the clutch play (or even the easy play), the O-Line couldn’t block Paris Hilton from getting to the quarterback, the wide receivers….I’ll let them slide only because it’s hard to get the ball when the quarterback doesn’t throw it or is on his back most of the game, the cornerbacks continued to improve on their impression of pieces of toast, the safeties forgot that this was tackle football and not two-hand touch, and the special teams players just (I lack the energy to think of another funny metaphor) suck. I either saw players that had no heart and had quit on the game or players that continued to fight but didn’t have the skill to compete. And both combinations harvest the same results–a 4-10 record.

Like I said, blow it up. Before this game, I mostly wanted to keep Jason Campbell and Coach Zorn for another year to see how things went with the new GM and I wanted them to focus on improving the offensive line. I like both Jason Campbell and Coach Zorn as people. They seem to really be trying hard and just never get the dice to roll in their favor. However, now I want both Jason Campbell and Coach Zorn gone, as well as Coach Blache (defensive coordinator), Coach Smith (special teams coach)–as a matter of fact, fire all of the coaches–Clinton Portis, Ladell Betts, Santana Moss, Antwaan Randel El, LaRon Landry, and the entire offensive line. I wouldn’t even mind trading Chris Cooley, a fan favorite and someone who consistently produces on the field, for a draft pick or another player of need. We need a complete overhaul. Before this game, I wasn’t only a Redskins fan, but I was also a fan of Redskins players. But now, I hold no loyalty to any of these players. I want the Redskins team to become successful again and to do that there are major changes that still need to be made. Unfortunately, my attitude towards players now is “fuck ’em”. If they can’t produce, get them off my team. Period.

In case anyone needs further clarification, this illustration might help.

It is impossible for me to explain the devastation, embarrassment, disappointment, anger, and frustration that has been accumulating since Dan Snyder took over as the owner of the Redskins in 1999. Every year, fans would convince ourselves that we were one or two pieces away from being a great, or even elite, football team. It took me 10 years to realize that we are not one or two pieces away from being even a decent team. There are many things that need to be fixed and because of that, Bruce Allen needs to clean house and start over. Bring on Mike Shanahan….


Jim Zorn a Real Life Charlie Brown

22 Dec

Charlie Brown is a loveable loser, a child possessed of endless determination and hope, but who is ultimately dominated by his insecurities and a “permanent case of bad luck,” and often taken advantage of by his peers. However he also has a sense of reality about him, usually making sarcastic jibes or using quick-witted remarks to point out the often ridiculous actions of some of the other characters.

I think its pretty clear. Replace Charlie Brown with Jim Zorn in that paragraph and you got yourself a perfect Washington Post article.

Your presents are going to be late this year

22 Dec

Photo: Fox Photos/Getty Images

Its a recession what else it there to say?

What not to buy before a snowstorm

19 Dec

This guy is a pro at snowstorm shopping. 4 cases of sunpop and some eggs... what?

Ding Dong, The Cerrato Is Dead…

18 Dec

Which old Cerrato? The wicked…..wait, there’s only one.

Vinny Cerrato, seen here apparently confused by what this contraption in front of him is. It's a camera Vinny, a camera.

Anyway, Vinny Cerrato, the Washington Redskins Vice President of Football Operations and poor man’s General Manager, resigned yesterday morning. At long last, Redskins fans’ prayers had been answered. Glee and amazement filled the Internet as Facebook, Twitter, and a slew of message boards filled with the resounding cry of “Holy shit! He did it! He fired him!” It was a move that no one saw coming. People talked about how it needed to happen, but after surviving a decade of mediocrity, there was no reason to believe that this season would be his last. And yet, here were are.

Vinny Cerrato became known as a yes-man for Danial Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins. How else can you explain lasting through a 62-70 record and still having a job? Every year, the Redskins would take one step forward and two steps back. Cerrato and Snyder would make huge changes, whether it was a new head coach or the next big splash free agent, in hopes that it would turn the team around. While there would always be some kind of  success, it never turned into consistent success. The inconsistency of the Redskins is what haunted its fans. Every year, the hopes and dreams of Redskins Nation would be renewed with a promise that this year would be different. This year, the offense has gotten it together. This year, the defense will get more turnovers and won’t fold late in the game anymore. This year, we’ll have great field position thanks to our special teams play. This year…

But those years never came. And like a battered wife, unable to see the abuse and torture that she’s going through, us fans believed the broken promises that the Redskins front office continued to make. First, we blamed the quarterback. If we got a franchise quarterback, we’d be amazing. Then we blamed the wide receivers. If our receivers could get separation or catch the ball, we’d be amazing. Then we blamed the offensive line. If we had starting caliber linemen, we’d be amazing. Then we blamed our defense. If our defense could create turnovers and stop teams from coming back in the fourth quarter, we’d be amazing. We even blamed our kicker. If he didn’t miss those clutch field goals, we’d be amazing. Pretty soon we realized that the carousel of players and coaches wasn’t getting us anywhere. At that point, there was no where to look but up….

Vinny Cerrato, the man who helped select the players, who helped select the coaches, who continued to neglect the offensive line, who continuously got a hard-on for skill positions, who continued to neglect the power of the draft and instead decided to trade draft picks for whichever veteran was on the highlight reel on that morning’s episode of Sportscenter, this man is now….I still can’t believe I’m saying this….gone.

The Washington Redskins are starting the new decade with a new set of eyes. A new General Manager who can, hopefully, bring success back to the Nation’s Capital. These are not the same Redskins anymore. Fans are renewed, the players and coaches are sure to be renewed by this (that is, unless they get cut/fired by the new GM, oops), and the city of Washington DC is renewed. We’ve been waiting 10 agonizing years for this. Now, we’ll have to wait some more before we see any success, but it’s a task that all of us would gladly perform.

Hail To The Redskins!

Drunk Four Year Old Steals Christmas Presents

17 Dec

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl’s dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, “Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped.”

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone.  She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn’t get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father’s footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking.

“He runs away trying to find his father,” she said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

Give the kid a break. He is just trying to get locked up to see his daddy. Makes perfectly logical since. I expect to see him on the Maury episode titled “Out of Control 4 Year Olds”.

via  WTVC NewsChannel 9